will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
