Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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