Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
