His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
