if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think i peed on brittanys purse
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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