No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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