I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
