I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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