Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Randomize
