Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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