just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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