Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
