The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
This baby is an asshole
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
