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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.

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• (818): View more from California

  Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  can you pick me up an extra syllabus

  (317): View more from Indiana

  i passed out in the shower again

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.

  (1-708): View more from Illinois

  Was who let the dogs out playing?

  (708): View more from Illinois

  Ya. You started barking when it ended

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.

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• (315): View more from New York

  New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?

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• (209): View more from California

  So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.

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• (714): View more from California

  We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk

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