you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
