I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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