Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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