my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
