Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I forget how to act sober
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
