we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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