I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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