You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
