i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
