i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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