i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
