I'm going to jail i love you
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
