If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
