my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
