Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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