I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
