I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
