Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
