I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
