I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Drake has all the answers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
