So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
