Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
