it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
