I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
