i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
