We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
