Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are a genius and a whore.
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