no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
