is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
