I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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