Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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