So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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