I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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