Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My ATM looks so different sober.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm bleeding and have questions
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
