Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
