So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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